Darkest Desire, Sweetest Dream
by Eowyn Organa
Summary: Four Seasons With Your Love oneshot. Now a mother to baby Inuko, Kagome longs for what she lost months before. But when she finally gets the chance to bring Inuyasha back, can she do it?


A/N: Well, you could call this a oneshot "sequel" to FSWYL, but not completely, since it takes place before the cry-baby end. (If you haven't read **Four Seasons With Your Love**, then don't read ths, becuase its filled with dozens of spoilers.)

This takes place six months after Inuyasha has died, meaning Inuko is three months old. It is something I thought up a while ago in my Retard Math class (I have nothing better to do...they're JUST learning the Quadratic Formula, when I learned that years ago) and now that FSWYL is over, I think that this would have been something nice to put in there, if I had thought of it earlier.

I dedicate this to all the reviewers of FSWYL, but most especially to **Fluff Freak, orangepencils, **and **Kyoumi,**who's reviews and afterward discussions kept me smiling through the end, and **Inu Youkai Wanna Be**,**Simonkal of Inuy, **and**DarkLady69** for nominating **Four Seasons With Your Love **for Best Romance: Inuyasha/Kagome in the IY Fanguild!

Just to let you know, there is going to be nothing else Four Seasons after this, since I'm working on **The Protector of Her Heart** now. So, enjoy this while it lasts!

* * *

**Darkest Desire, Sweetest Dream**

Kagome smiled back at Sango as they both glanced at the wooden walls of the Exterminator's Village. It seemed like ages since they had last seen it; when they were all traveling together, not knowing when they would finally defeat Naraku…before everything had changed…

"Well, we're here," Kagome told her friend, giving her a wink. "I guess I have to be going now." She glanced at the sleeping baby in the sling upon her back, his silver dog ears drooping slightly as he slept. "I wanted to take Inuko to some of the places we went for a while…I think he needs to get out of the village."

"Are you sure you'll be all right on your own, Kagome-chan?" Sango asked, looking worried. "It _is _a few days time to get back to the village. Maybe you could stay here—"

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me," she assured her. "After all, I shouldn't have come with you in the first place; it's your honeymoon, after all." Sango blushed as she glanced back at Miroku, who, while smiling at his new wife every once in a while, had turned away to give the women some privacy.

The exterminator told her, "Don't worry about it Kagome-chan; it was nice having you come up here with us…" She paused for a moment, before adding, "I think you needed some time out of the village as well."

Kagome said nothing, not denying it in the least. It had been six months since Inuyasha had died; six months since she hadn't been able to truly be happy again. Inuko allowed her to smile, and feel some happiness…but no more could she laugh and smile without a care in the world. Only a year ago she and Inuyasha were smiling, and awaiting the birth of their child. Now here she was, a single mother, who had lost the one she loved most.

"Kagome…are you all right going off on your own like this?" Sango asked again. "After all…it _is _dangerous traveling on the roads alone now you know—"

"With the Shikon no Tama gone, no youkai will attack me without a _very _good reason," Kagome told her, holding up the bow and arrows she carried with her. "Besides, I know how to get to the nearest village; from there I'll get directions to the next one and so on, so I won't have to sleep out in the open."

"All right," Sango sighed, "But I can't say I won't be worried about you."

"Don't worry, Sango-chan," Kagome smiled, "I'll be fine. Besides, you shouldn't be worrying about me. It's your honeymoon, you're supposed to have fun." She gave her a wicked grin, making her friend look even more embarrassed. "I'll see you in a week or two, I guess."

"Be safe," Sango told her, before glancing at the child on Kagome's back that was just starting to wake up. "Bye Inuko!"

The baby glanced at his adoptive aunt with his big round eyes before gurgling and falling asleep once more. Both women smiled at the child, before Kagome turned, and set off on the long journey back to the village, finally to get something she had wanted for a while—a chance to be alone.

* * *

The forest path was just as Kagome had remembered it, from their travels long ago. Most of her time in this area had been spent traveling around, looking for Naraku. She knew how to find her way back to the village, and what signs to look for to aid her on her way. She knew how to hunt for her own food, if need be, were to find water, how to start a fire and how to set up camp. Most importantly, she knew signs of youkai nests and how to avoid them. 

Inuyasha had taught her all of that.

Sighing, Kagome decided to take a rest for a while, and found a spot against a tree near a stream that looked comfy. She slid the sling off her back, and took her baby in her arms, sitting and leaning against the tree, staring out at the swirling water before her.

She had known Inuyasha for three years, first meeting him when she unsealed him from the tree when she was only fifteen. She was now eighteen, and Inuyasha was gone, having died a week before her eighteenth birthday, leaving her with their child, a living memory of him.

When he had died, Kagome fell into deep despair, not knowing what to do. He had been her life for three years, and suddenly he was gone, leaving her behind with a child in her belly, the one thing that had kept her going in those six months since his death. Kagome knew, that without Inuko, she would have fallen into a deeper depression, and would have never been able to get out.

Even now, the memory of how joyfully in love she had been brought tears to her eyes. Those two years, those two precious years they had together were the most beautiful of all the years in her life. Even with Naraku cornering them at every turn, they still found time to be in love. Sometimes Kagome had wondered if it would have been better for both of them if they hadn't given in to their feelings, but she wouldn't have given up those two years for anything.

And as hectic as trying to hide their physical relationship had been, Kagome wouldn't reverse it now, now that she had been given a precious gift at the end. Her child lay sleeping, content in her arms while she stroked his silky silver hair, occasionally rubbing his furry ears, like she had done to his father only half a year ago.

Inuko was the complete spitting image of his father, and not just from his looks. When he cried, his amber eyes held the intensity that Inuyasha's had when he was angry. When he was content, his eyes softened, and sometimes a babyish smile came on his face, mirroring the loving smirk Inuyasha had that Kagome knew well. When Inuko would laugh, she was reminded of the clear, playful laugh that her lover rarely gave, but would warm her heart when he did. He was an inquisitive child, often cocking his head like a confused puppy when he didn't understand, and it was a gesture that Inuyasha sometimes had as well. In every way, Inuko was his father's son.

His life, it seemed, would imitate his father's as well—having to grow up without a father, and eventually without his mother as well…he would be on his own one day, without a family to support him, and thinking of that in Inuko's future nearly broke Kagome's heart.

If Inuyasha had lived, she would still have his lifespan, and would have lived with him, and their son, for many years. But now she was back to being just a mortal woman, with a mortal time to live. But Kagome also knew there was a chance—though now it seemed to be a small one—that she might not even live that long at all.

Right on cue, it seemed, Inuko woke up and started crying, with tears leaking out from his eyes while he cried soft wails. Kagome knew that cry well; he was hungry. Knowing no one was out here to see, she sighed and opened the top half of her yukata, pulling the small baby to her breast. While Inuko suckled, she closed her eyes, and remembered this image from her imagination, long before the baby was born. But there was one key figure missing—Inuyasha wasn't holding her, rejoicing in the joy of their child with her.

The baby finished feeding, and Kagome burped him, giggling slightly at the loud belch the small baby emitted. It seemed their child had picked up nearly all of his father's habits. She retied her yukata and held the now awake Inuko against her, smiling down as she tickled him, making him laugh.

Even in times when she felt all alone—having lost Inuyasha, her mother, her family and the world she had been born into—her child alone helped her see it through. Inuko was her boy and hers alone, she didn't have to share him with anyone. Her life had stopped when Inuyasha had died, and she had given it all to the small one in her arms. Now, all her sorrow, and misery had to be put aside, all for the good of her son.

But there were times when Kagome wondered how long she would survive like this, without anything but her child, until she wished for something more.

* * *

"Excuse me," Kagome asked the inn owner in the first village she came upon, later when it was dark. "I would like a room for the night for myself and my child." 

The rather fat landlady named her price and Kagome paid it, glad of the money gained on the trip to the Exterminator's Village while helping some sick people in a village. "Will you be needing anything for the baby?" she asked, glancing but not taking a long look at the sling on Kagome's back.

Kagome shook her head, "No, I have everything I need, thank you."

As the landlady led her to her room she told her, "You're a brave woman to be traveling alone, with a child like this. There's talk of a great youkai battle a while ago, and now small youkai, afraid to come out before, are attacking poor villages. I even heard a rumor that there's some youkai witch in the woods around the village, preying on fellow travelers."

"I'm careful," Kagome told her. "This baby's father taught me how to survive on my own traveling, and I can handle small youkai easily enough."

"And you're traveling without him?"

Kagome's eyes were downcast. "He is dead now."

Quickly, the landlady said, "Oh, I am sorry…"

"It's all right…I still have my baby, which is just like his father in every way." Just as the landlady slid open the door to Kagome's room, she looked at Inuko, and her eyes went wide and she gave a small gasp. Kagome was used to this reaction when others saw her baby, and she could recite what she told them afterwards. "And when he grows up, he'll be as kind of a man as his father was too," she spoke softly, turning and entering the room, sliding the door firmly shut behind her.

Kagome sat down in the small room, holding her baby firmly to her chest, and sighed. Inuko was going to have a hard life like his father's—people judging him for what he was, not who he was. And she wasn't going to be around for most of it to protect him. He would have to know the harsh insults like his father did, and would have no one to tell him otherwise. Inuko would be as lonely as Inuyasha was one day, and she wouldn't be there to prevent it.

"I'm sorry, Inuko…" she whispered, keeping him close. "I'm sorry I wont be there for you…I'm sorry you'll have to live through this all alone..."

Only there, in the darkness, as she held her child close to her, did Kagome allow her weaker side to emerge, and her tears to show.

* * *

The next morning, Kagome left early, not wanting to subject her child to more humiliation by allowing the entire village to see him. Following the path she remembered, Kagome set out, towards the forest, knowing when she emerged she would be at another small village. 

Even during the day, the forest was dark and bleak, and with every sound that an animal made, Kagome would feel very vulnerable. As the light behind her diminished, and all she saw was the darkness of the forest, she felt very much alone, and slightly afraid.

But she would not show it now, not with the baby. She made sure the quiver was easily reachable on her back, and she kept her bow in hand. If it came to a large group of youkai, she wasn't sure if she would win, but against small ones, she could kill them easily.

In the middle of the forest, Kagome felt something odd and stopped, hearing the birds in the canopy echo as she looked around for the origin of this strange feeling. It wasn't quite like a youkai, but similar…and more sinister. Strangely enough, it was like she had felt it before, but she couldn't quite place it. She looked back at Inuko. He was wide awake, his amber eyes taking everything around him in. No doubt about it, he felt it too. Discreetly she took and arrow and readied it, just in case something caught her unawares.

A twig snapped behind her. Kagome whirled around, her arrow already drawn and her face set in a look of determination. Before her, as if it had appeared from the forest, stood a hag, her hair grey and scraggly, with a long protruding nose and a toothy grin on her face.

"Who are you?" Kagome demanded, drawing her bow tighter.

Smirking, the hag asked, "Are you going to purify me, miko?"

"We'll see," she glared, hoping she had enough power to do so if it came down to it.

A chilling laugh came from the hag as she looked at her. "Don't bother. You couldn't even if you wanted to. You already have a child, so your powers have diminished."

"Whether they have diminished or not, my arrows don't miss," Kagome warned her fircely.

"I doubt you could harness any power at all now, miko," the hag spoke, her grin sending chills up Kagome's spine. "Not only have you lost your purity…but you also are still grieving for the death of your lover."

That caused Kagome to let loose an arrow, it imbedding itself in a tree feet away from the hag's head. "You don't know anything!" she spat, notching another arrow.

Chuckling, the hag came closer, causing Kagome to tighten her grip. "I can read your thoughts, miko, and I know the pain you feel…the longing you have…how you would give anything, even your soul to have him back."

"That's not—" Kagome began, but her voice was faltering.

"Every day you cry for your child, having to grow up without a father. Every night you cry for yourself, alone without your lover in the world. You feel lost now, miko, without your family, and only a few friends to support you. You try to hide it, but you cannot help but cry out for your greatest wish—to have your lover alive once more."

Kagome didn't lower the bow, but her expression had changed. Now her eyes looked to be on the brink of tears, biting her lip to keep her from crying out. She knew every word the hag said was true.

The old woman did the unexpected. Her toothy grin formed into a soft smile. "You are lucky you found me, miko…I can grant your wish."

Gasping, only now did Kagome allow herself to lower her bow slightly. "You…you can…"

The hag nodded. "You know I am not human, miko…I am a sorceress, specializing in the art of necromancy…which I believe you might recall a little bit about."

Putting all thoughts of the Curse of the Shikon no Tama aside, Kagome asked, "Wait…are you like…that witch Urasue—"

"She was my pupil, but _I_ am the master," the sorceress countered. "While she could create living beings out of graveyard soil and bones, with a body made of clay…I can resurrect the actual body from a soul's memory."

Heart thudding in her chest, Kagome allowed herself for only a moment, to think of the possibilities. Inuyasha could be back with her, as he was before…But… "That's…that's impossible, isn't it?" she asked, hoping it was so her thoughts wouldn't go down that road too quickly.

The witch grinned for a moment, before closing her eyes and chanting. The sky above became dark, like a swirling cloud had covered the forest, and Kagome screamed and stumbled back as a lightning bolt hit just in front of her, a small, blue floating circle remaining. The hag called it to her, and chanted some more. Kagome watched in a mixture of horror and wonder as she saw a skeleton of a bird form from thin air, while muscle and flesh formed around it, and finally, white feathers covered the surface. When the witch stopped chanting, the bird lifted its wings and flew towards Kagome, landing in front of her. Timidly, she touched it, and could feel a heart beating beneath her fingertips.

"That bird died ten years ago," the hag explained. "And yet here it is, as it was before."

Continuing to stare at the resurrected bird, she couldn't help but think of what power lay before her. _I could have Inuyasha back! He could be alive again…without any differences. We could be mates again, and live our lives as we promised, together forever, with Inuko…as we should have been. _Tears formed in Kagome's eyes as she imagined it now, Inuyasha holding her close, loving her again. How she wanted to be back in those arms! And feel safe once more, never alone…

"What do you want from me?" Kagome asked, her tear filled eyes glancing back up at the witch. "What must I do for this…"

"I ask only for something that is no use to you," the witch explained, the very picture of charity. "Your miko powers work no longer, not with your child and now your despair. You are very much a normal woman. If you would give them to me, when they are of no use to you, then I will resurrect your dead lover before your very eyes."

Kagome's heart raced faster. "And he will be…as he always was?" she asked skeptically.

Saying nothing, the witch only nodded, her grin never fading.

There was one more question she needed to know. "And what will you do with my miko powers, since you desire them so?"

"That remains to be seen," the witch said firmly, making Kaogme unsure if she really wanted to do this.

"I'm sorry," Kagome turned away. "I cannot…I do not think I can do this…not now."

Smiling seductively, the hag asked, "But you will think on it?"

Kagome paused before replying, as she left the clearing, "Perhaps…"

* * *

That night in the in the inn in the next village, thunder clapped outside while the wail of a baby woke Kagome. It took her a moment in the dark to find him and hold the crying child to her chest, rocking him and singing a song. 

But it seemed Inuko's cries only got louder as she continued to sing, with thunder and lightning crashing outside, adding more sound to the night. Perhaps he was hungry, and so she tried to nurse him, but he would not feed, he would only scream louder and louder, his face red with crying while tears poured down his cheeks.

"Shhh, it's all right," Kagome murmured gently, checking his diaper. Nothing was in it, and yet the baby still cried with his earsplitting screams. "Please…" Kagome begged, rocking him back and forth. "Please calm down, it's all right, Mama's here…"

Another clap of thunder was followed by another piercing wail, the lightning outlining Inuko's contorted face as he screamed and cried. Kagome tried everything, singing burping, rocking, feeding, and yet Inuko still continued to cry and cry.

Finally, tears formed on her face and she began to cry with the child, unable to do anything to keep him quiet. "Please Inuko…" she begged. "Please stop crying…"

Sobs began to wrack her body as she held the wailing baby to her chest, feeling like a failed mother. "I can't do this…" she cried, as if she had known it all along. "I can't…I can't raise him all alone..." Tears still fell down her face, though she was unable to register that Inuko had finally stopped.

"I need you, Inuyasha…" she sobbed, grasping the necklace he had given her so long ago. "I need you so much!"

And thus, she made her decision.

* * *

It was early the next morning, and still dark when Kagome slipped out of the village, and headed back towards the forest. She left her things in the inn, but had only taken Inuko in the sling on her back as she headed back to the forest, easily finding the place she had met with the hag before. 

The witch was already there, and by the look on her face as she studied the redness of Kagome's eyes, and the dark circles underneath them, she could guess what had brought her there. "Have you made your decision?" she asked, her grey eyes eager.

Kagome's throat was dry as she walked closer to the ogress, her eyes on the brink of tears once more. "I…have…" she whispered, her knees failing her as she fell to kneel before the witch.

The hag knelt down as well before her, while Kagome, looking so lost like a child looked up at her and asked, "You want my miko powers?"

Nodding, the witch's curled hands, looking like claws, came towards her, ready to grasp what power she could when Kagome agreed. She gave another small sob, a tear leaking from her eye. _I'm sorry, Inuyasha…I'm so sorry…_

When she whipped her head around to look back at the hag, her eyes were wild with fury. "Then have them!" she shouted, plunging one of her arrows deeply into the witch's flesh.

Kagome stepped back while the old woman screamed as the pink miko powers erupted from the arrow, enveloping her within it. Against the raw power of a miko's fury, the ogress stood no chance. The pink light dissolved her body, and with one final scream the hag died, her body completely disintegrated.

With the new silence, Kagome fell to her knees, holding Inuko tightly to her chest. And sitting there, with her baby in her arms, Kagome cried out all of the pain she had held in for the past six months until daylight.

* * *

There was a long road ahead of her as Kagome looked back towards the forest, where she had met the witch the night before. Now, after the deed was done, she felt some regret, knowing that she possibly could have had Inuyasha beside her at this very moment, while she leaned into his warm and comforting body. 

But there was one fact she knew, and it was the reason she could not go through with it the night before—she knew the witch would have used her powers for evil, and Inuyasha would have never forgiven her if she had created another Naraku just to bring him back to life.

Inuko cooed as she glanced back at him, and she was unable to stop the smile on her face when she looked at her baby. Inuyasha was dead, he would remain dead, and she would probably never see him again in this life. But she had his son, a light of joy amid her sorrow. At least, throughout everything she had lost, she was granted this.

"Come on, Inuko," she smiled, turning back to the long road ahead of them. "Let's go home."

As Kagome continued on, Inuko's golden eyes opened, and saw something he didn't quite understand. There, at the edge of the forest, stood a man dressed all in red, with silver white hair, and ears much like his own on his head. The man seemed to be bathed in light, and looked like he was not from this world. But, Inuko was tired, so he yawned and fell asleep, lightly snoring against Kagome's back, and wouldn't remember what he saw when he awoke.

Inuyasha continued to watch his mate and child as they headed back for their home, with a smile on his face. Then, after one last look at the beautiful woman he loved even in death, and the child that he knew was his, he turned away, and disappeared from sight.


End file.
